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Sunday, June 25, 2006

Mr. T. To Pity Fool, Film at 11

kitten

Mr. T has always been a hero of mine. To say he cares about children would be putting it lightly. When I was very young, I had a poster of Mr. T holding an armful of kittens up on my wall. This showed the sensitive, thoughtful soul beneath his fierce and forboding exterior. Once when sent out to the grocery store for a birthday cake for my mother, my brother let me pick out the cake. I picked a Mr. T cake for my mother's birthday. Mr. T has nothing to do with my mom but this just proves how important Mr. T was to me growing up.

record

Mr. T "Don't Talk To Strangers"

Mr. T "Mr. T, Mr. T (He Was Made For Love)

[right click to download, ctrl click if yr a mac!]

In 1984 Mr. T put out a record called 'Mr. T's Commandments', a non-religious yet highly spiritual guide book to life of sorts for young people. Tracks like "No Dope No Drugs" and "You Got To Go Through It" taught valuable life lessons that only a role model like Mr. T could explain. And why wouldn't Mr. T be a role model for children? I mean, he had a mohawk, wore gold chains and pitied fools. Those are attributes that don't belong to everyday men. So when Mr. T talked, people LISTENED.

mr t muppets

So here are two of Mr. T's Commandments. He sings (okay, he really just talks) with deadly seriousness about the danger of talking to strangers in a slow jam that goes on FAR too long and is lauded by female session singers in "Mr. T, Mr. T (He Was Made For Love)". Mr. T himself doesn't even make an appearance in the latter and he doesn't even have to, as the women make comparisons to golden gods and superman in a bacchus praising of his manliness that one may only found occuring while Moses was away at the top of the mountain on the black sabbath.

So if these songs don't make you realize that Mr. T is a god amonst men, then I truly pity you, and Mr. T. does as well.

Here are some youtube videos I found featuring Mr.T. A Burger King ad from 1985 (a year after he put down his commandments) depicts Mr. T as a kind hearted soul, sparing the life of some fucking guy in a suit after deciding he like the changes made to his favorite sandwich, the whopper.



and another video (although its the shittiest resolution i've EVER seen) of an ad for TR3 car wax, where Mr. T explains the virtues of toughness, then his proves his own by ripping the door of a car with old people in it. The lesson here is: don't park your car anywhere near Mr. T, especially if he is shooting a spot for car wax.

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