Monday, October 15, 2007

The Rick James

by Mark Cappelletty


“Ebony Eyes” by Rick James & Smokey Robinson

You’re Rick James. You’ve had a tough day— the tracks you’ve just laid down wouldn’t cause a freak (much less a superfreak), your record label is feuding with you over the cost of a chain-mail-encased panther for your album cover, your cornrows are tangled, the Mary Jane Girls are feuding over cocaine and the sex slave currently tied up and tortured in the basement is getting lippy. You need to relax.

What better way than the Rick James Cocktail? This gentleman’s libation, created by the author and Jared Butler in August 2004, is just the way to ease your tension and put the troubles of the day behind you.

The recipe is simple but packs a Rick James abusive-spouse-esque punch.

The Rick James - 13

In a cocktail shaker full of cracked ice, pour

1 ½ ounces good cognac
½ ounce Grand Marnier

Shake well and pour into a chilled cocktail glass rimmed with powdered sugar.

Then put on today’s song for that special lady friend of yours (NOT the one in the basement).

But some days are worse than others. When you want to forget that you ended your career as a footnote to some wiseass comic who’s turned your entire history into a pun (note: revenge would be sweet with that joker’s meltdown if he’d only the decency to have it before you died), you need to step things up.

These are the days that call for the I’m Rick James, Bitch! cocktail.

Simply double the recipe above. But instead of a cocktail glass, procure a large shot glass and pour in as much of the liquor as will fit. Drop that into a two-liter bottle, neck removed, filled with your malt liquor of choice (Olde English, with that extra “e,” is a classy choice). And drink— deep. You’ll be doing 3 to 5 upstate for aggravated assault in no time

The Rick James - 23
before the Rick James cocktail

The Rick James - 24
after the Rick James cocktail

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Blogger Colonel Assrape McFuckstein said...

Fantasia, eh?

5:50 PM PDT  
Blogger Michael said...

is that a picture of ken kesey on the bookshelf?


3:40 PM PDT  

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